To Do List

Make a Christmas Wish List: Check

Masturbate with the Rotating Assmaster 3000: Double Check

Arrive Late to work: Check (see above)

Discover Cold Fusion: Pending

Harness Lightning Bolts for Wizardry Convention: You know it!

Become President of a Sovereign Nation: Paperwork under investigation

Start a Collection of David and Goliath action figures: OWNED!

Give a hand-job to a homeless man: Thrice

Knock over a lemonade stand: Every day. Those kids need to know about failure.

Make your first million off of hand made tin foil babies: $4.00 and counting!

Make a to-do list: Never in a million years. I don’t believe in itemized lists

Find a unicorn and have the wickedest sex with it: Legendary!

Audition for a strip club, cry, dance naked anyway, cry again, blame the crying on daddy issues, find a man who beats you regularly, quit crying so you don’t get beat regularly, and develop an eating disorder: Once a month for good measure.

Make a hat out of Styrofoam for the “Annual End of the Year Suicide and Alien B.B.Q Sauce-off”: too busy fucking unicorns…will get on this tomorrow.

Tell a skinny girl she's fat: done

Tell a fat girl she's fatter than the fat skinny girl: too confusing...will work on insults after done fucking unicorns